Solo—but Not Lonely: How Women Make Friends While Traveling

There is something wonderfully freeing about realizing that you don’t have to wait for someone else to be ready before you go.

You don’t have to wait for a spouse to want to visit Paris. You don’t have to coordinate calendars with five friends. You don’t have to postpone the trip because the person you usually travel with has other plans or is no longer available.

You can simply decide: I want to go.

For many women, though, there is one concern that quietly comes along with that decision.

What if I’m lonely?

It is one of the most common fears women have about traveling alone. We imagine ourselves sitting by ourselves in a restaurant, wandering through a beautiful city with no one to talk to, or seeing something extraordinary and wishing there were someone beside us who understood just how extraordinary it was.

But something interesting often happens when we travel without our usual circle around us.

We become more open to the world.  We learn new cultures and expand our horizons.

When we travel with people we already know, it is very easy to stay within that comfortable little bubble. We talk to one another. We eat together. We walk together. We experience the destination together. We even stick to comfortable foods that we know everyone will like. 

When we travel alone—or even when we join a trip without knowing anyone—we begin to look outward instead.

We notice people.

And people notice us.

A conversation starts while waiting for a museum to open. Someone asks where you’re from while you are sitting at a café. You meet another woman on a walking tour who is also traveling on her own. You share a table at breakfast. Someone asks if the seat beside you is taken.

Sometimes a friendship begins with nothing more complicated than, “Is this seat taken?”

You Already Have Something in Common

One of the beautiful things about meeting people while traveling is that you begin with common ground.

You both chose to be there.

You are standing in the same little village in France, admiring the same painting in a museum, tasting the same wine, or trying to figure out the same train station.

There is already something to talk about.  And, chances are good that you may be speaking the same language.  1.5 BILLION people around the world speak English!  And, if you’re a tourist, you’re likely around other tourists. 

Travel also seems to remove some of the barriers we carry around in everyday life. At home, we have schedules, responsibilities, routines and roles.

We are someone’s mother, wife, partner, employee, caregiver, neighbor or friend.

When we travel, we get to simply be ourselves for a little while.  This helps us to reconnect to our true selves, rather than our “supposed to” responsible roles. 

And the same is happening for your new friend.

Perhaps that is why conversations that begin while traveling sometimes become surprisingly meaningful very quickly.

Be Willing to Say Hello

Making friends while traveling rarely requires becoming the most outgoing person in the room.

It simply requires a little openness.

Ask the woman sitting beside you where she is from.

Compliment someone’s scarf.  We all know how a simple compliment can change the trajectory of our entire day!

Ask what she ordered.

Join a small walking tour rather than exploring everything independently.

Take a cooking class.

Sit at the bar instead of at a table for one.  This is one that solo travelers grapple with.  While being seated at the bar may seem like being relegated to the corner, look at it as a way to talk to new people.

Spend a few minutes talking to the people beside you rather than immediately reaching for your phone.

These are small things.

But small moments create connection.

I have a cousin who begins every trip to a local Irish Pub.  She sits at the bar, enjoys a pint, and ALWAYS leaves with plans with a new friend!

You don’t have to turn every conversation into a friendship. Sometimes the woman you meet at breakfast is simply someone you enjoy talking with for twenty minutes.

That counts too.

Connection does not always have to become permanent to be meaningful.

Group Travel Can Be the Perfect Middle Ground

There is also a wonderful space between traveling completely alone and traveling with people you already know.

Small-group travel.

For women who want the freedom to say, I’m going whether anyone else comes with me or not, but still enjoy companionship, it can be the best of both worlds.

You arrive independently, but you are not truly alone.  Great tours give you the opportunity to connect with your group members even before you arrive.

And then, here are people to have dinner with.

Someone to laugh with when you accidentally order something you weren’t expecting.

Someone to say, “Did you see that?” when something remarkable happens.

Someone to share your awe with.

And perhaps most importantly, there are people who understand why being there matters to you.

I think women are sometimes hesitant to join a group when they don’t know anyone.

There is that moment of uncertainty:

What if everyone already knows each other?

What if I don’t fit in?

What if I feel like the outsider?

But almost everyone walking into that first dinner is wondering some version of the same thing.

Then someone pours a glass of wine.

Someone tells a story.

Someone laughs.

And suddenly the room feels different.

By the second or third day, people are saving seats for one another.

Give Yourself Permission to Have Both

Traveling independently doesn’t mean you have to be alone every minute.

And making friends doesn’t mean you have to spend every minute together.

One of the wonderful things about traveling at this stage of life is that we can begin to recognize what we actually enjoy rather than following someone else’s idea of what travel is supposed to look like.

Maybe you want to spend the morning wandering through a museum by yourself and meet friends for lunch.

Imagine wandering a museum at your own pace, with no worries about where your partner is or if you’re taking too long. 

Maybe everyone wants to shop, but you would rather sit at a café and watch Paris walk by.

Maybe you want company for dinner but quiet time in the afternoon.

You can have both.

Independence and connection are not opposites.

In fact, sometimes they make each other better.

Some Travel Friendships Come Home With Us

There are people we meet while traveling who remain part of our lives long after the suitcases have been unpacked.

We stay connected.

We share photos.

We plan another trip.

We become the people who say to each other, “Where are we going next?”

And there is something especially lovely about friendships formed later in life.

We know ourselves better.

We have stories.

We have perspective.

We are often less interested in impressing one another and more interested in simply enjoying one another.

Travel has a way of bringing those people together.

Go Anyway

If there is somewhere you want to go, but no one in your life is ready to go with you, perhaps the answer isn’t to keep waiting.

Perhaps the answer is simply to go.

You may leave home alone.

But that doesn’t mean you will be lonely.

You may find yourself sharing dinner with women you didn’t know a few days earlier. 

Laughing with someone you met on a tour.

Trading stories with another traveler over coffee.

Or standing somewhere beautiful beside a new friend thinking:

How strange that our lives brought us both here.

Sometimes travel isn’t only about discovering new places.

Sometimes it introduces us to new people.

And every once in a while, one of those people becomes someone we can’t imagine not knowing.

Finding Your People Before You Even Leave Home

One of the reasons we created the Female Travelers community is because connection doesn’t have to begin at the airport.

Sometimes it begins with a simple post:

“Is anyone free for lunch next week?”

“I’m going to this exhibit. Does anyone want to join me?”

“I’ll be in Paris in October. Is anyone else going to be there?”

Our Female Travelers group gives women a place to find one another—not only for larger trips, but for the small, spontaneous moments that can become friendships.

Members can create impromptu, self-led meetups whenever they would like. A coffee, lunch, museum visit, walk, happy hour or local event does not have to be complicated or formally organized. Sometimes one woman simply puts the idea out there and discovers that several others were hoping someone would ask.

We also host organized monthly meetups, giving women an easy way to walk into a room where everyone already shares a few things in common: a love of travel, curiosity and new experiences.

And for women who want to take that connection a little farther, That’s Perspective Travel offers organized women’s tours designed to make it easy to join a thoughtfully planned trip even when you are coming on your own. These trips create the opportunity to experience beautiful destinations, enjoy meaningful activities and share the experience with other women who are there for the same reason—to explore, connect and enjoy the journey. You may arrive without knowing anyone, but that does not mean you will travel alone.

You don’t have to already know someone.

You don’t have to bring a friend.

And you certainly don’t have to wait until you have a trip booked.

Come because you want to meet other women.

Come because you would love to have someone to travel with someday.

Come because you want to hear where everyone has been and where they are dreaming of going next.

Or simply come because meeting new people still has the possibility of changing our lives in ways we cannot always predict.

That is really what Female Travelers is about.

Yes, we love beautiful destinations.

We love wonderful meals, fascinating places, memorable hotels and experiences we will talk about for years.

But travel is also about connection.

It is about having the confidence to go—even when you don’t have someone to go with yet.

Because sometimes you don’t find your travel companions before you decide to travel.

Sometimes you decide to travel first.

And then you find your people.